I Love Ruthie, Not Lucy
by Erica Christian
Summary: Martin-emotionally scarred from an abusive childhood he has spent years trying to repress-finds himself in the middle of a torrid affair with the older sister of the girl he has secretly loved for years. What happens when Ruthie finds out about this betrayal? Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. Disclaimer 2: This story is so far from canon it's not funny.
1. Chapter 1

Lately, Lucy had been fragile.

None of the Camdens knew what to do with her, and every time Martin ran into her in the neighborhood when visiting his father or Eric and Annie, he'd wave and try to be polite, but the truth was, her moods scared him.

Lucy had always been a little scary.

It was a warm October afternoon and he was driving Aaron over to visit the Camdens when he saw Lucy leaving the house.

"Whatcha up to?" she asked in a pleasant voice. A sugary voice laced with arsenic. She smiled at Aaron and came close to make goofy faces at him. "Awww, hello there, little buddy. You're so cute."

"Annie said she'd watch Aaron while I went to class," he said, wanting to leave, while at the same time being transfixed by the way Lucy's eyes locked on his. It was ridiculous. She was six years older than him, and had been married for as long as he'd known her. He'd always had a little bit of a crush on his surrogate parents' middle daughter.

Well, not really a crush. More like a _curiosity._

"Why don't you ever ask me to babysit," she asked, in her passive-aggressive way, the smile plastered on her face as if she was only teasing.

"You can babysit him if you want," he said.

"I'd love that," she said. "Aaron and I are BFFs, aren't we, Aaron?" She reached for the baby and held him close as he began to cry. She rocked him gently.

"I'll just be a few hours," he said.

"Go on," she told him. "We'll be fine. Kevin's never home much anymore and Savannah and I could use a little extra company."

He didn't know how to respond to that, so he said, "OK. Great."

"Will you be back around dinner?" she asked him. "I can make you something to eat when you come to pick him up later."

He nodded. "Dinner would be good. Thanks, Luce."

He turned and walked away, wondering what had just happened.

Lucy had seemed a little too eager to take his baby from him. And she seemed so thrilled at the idea of cooking him dinner. Didn't Kevin ever eat at home anymore?

He shook his head as he climbed back into his car. He decided not to think too much about it. It was best not to think too much when it came to Lucy.


	2. Chapter 2

When he arrived at Lucy's house at 5:30, she informed him that Aaron was taking a nap in Savannah's room.

"Let's not wake them just yet," she said.

She motioned for him to take a seat at the kitchen table and he let his eyes take in the two place settings, with the bottle of wine in the middle of the table between two long candles, flickering in the darkened room. She went over to the stove to retrieve a pot of something which he soon learned was spaghetti and meatballs. "Sorry it's nothing fancy," she said.

"That's OK," he said. "My mom used to make spaghetti and meatballs."

"Aww, she did?"

Martin didn't really want to talk about his mother. There had been a time when she was all he could ever think about. How his life would have turned out so much differently if she hadn't died when he was still a kid. But there was no point dwelling on that now. He smiled at Lucy. "Thanks for cooking me dinner. I appreciate it. I usually end up getting a burger or something on my way home from class."

"Awww, Sweetie," Lucy said. He cringed at that endearment, even as he felt a spark of something ignite inside of him. He pushed the feelings down. "Well, you are welcome here any time. All you have to do is call."

He looked up into her eyes as she sat down across from him. He'd always thought she was interesting looking, with her round face and her big blue eyes. Not at all like Ruthie. The two sisters looked nothing alike.

But still pretty. Really, really pretty. Especially when she flashed him a genuine smile.

He didn't know how it happened. One minute he was complimenting her on her meal, the next, they locked eyes again. And he was standing, and she was moving forward to press her lips to his and wrap her arms around his shoulders.

"You don't have to go just yet," she said. "Stay awhile. Kevin's gonna be real late."

They ended up in her room, just down the hall from Aaron and Savannah. And yet he wasn't thinking about his son as she pulled his t-shirt up over his head and ran her hands up his abs.

He thought of that afternoon in the dorm room with Sandy. How things had happened so quickly between them, it seemed like one minute they were divulging their most shameful secrets, pouring their hearts out to one another-his confession being how he sometimes felt guilty for his mother's death, as if it was punishment for being a bad son, and her confession being how she often felt unlovable, and that was why she drank and engaged in sex, which only served to make her feel even more unlovable- and the next, she was kneeling down in front of him, pressing her lips to his stomach before looking up to meet his tear-filled eyes. For the past two years, he'd been telling girls no. It was the only way to push the memories deep down into his sub-consciousness. It got to the point where he'd actually almost convinced himself that he was a virgin, that he had been given a clean slate and that he would do things different this time around. He would wait for the right girl.

It took every ounce of strength he had in him sometimes, to shut down his heart so completely, along with the voice inside of himself telling him that he was only pretending to be good. That he would never be like his father. He would never be that honorable. There was something seriously wrong with him, an unfixable, unlovable flaw.

For example, good guys didn't get hard when looking at another man's wife. A woman who had been almost like a sister to him, in fact, after his aunt had moved away.

He winced when Lucy's lips touched his yet again.

"Luce…" he protested, weakly, the final vestige of morality crumbling as she grabbed the back of his neck. It was useless to say anything more because by this point, he was kissing her back. And when he pushed her onto the bed and climbed on top of her, peeling the clothes away, running his mouth over every inch of her body, he wasn't even seeing her anymore. He was lost in the past, lost in a different woman. She had the same blond hair. Same child-like way of speaking. Her eyes would light up just at the sight of him.

He had loved her.

But she had abandoned him. Just as his mother had abandoned him. And his father too.

He must have fallen asleep because Lucy shook him awake. "No. I'm tired. Just leave me alone," he murmured.

"You have to go," she said. "Kevin will be here soon."


	3. Chapter 3

Martin was coming around the house more than he had in the past year. Ruthie wished he would just stay away. Go back to Sandy and the baby and play house with them. Or do whatever it was that teen fathers did when they'd worn out their welcome with their former friends.

She didn't know her old friend these days. He was still gorgeous, even more so at age 19 with his clean cut good looks and lean muscle from all those hours of extra training at school. He acted like he could just pick up where they had left off, squeezing her shoulder as he passed or giving her a weak one-armed hug. Joking around like they were still best buddies.

But she was with T-Bone now. And Martin signified a part of her past that was dead to her. A heartbreak she'd finally moved beyond and had no desire to ever go back to.

Life with T-Bone was easy. Surprisingly so. She didn't have to read into every word or action. She knew he cared about her as much, if not more so, than she cared for him. She could spend hours kissing him, running her hands through his mop of brown hair. He looked like your standard issue teen boy in his hoodie and jeans. Awkward as hell. But she was beginning to realize just how good "awkward" and "normal" good be.

"Ugh," Lucy said as she walked in on them making out on the couch one day when the parents were out. "I don't need to see this."

Ruthie sometimes hated her straight-laced older sister. Not every one could be as perfect and holy as Rev. Camden Jr. "Don't you have a daughter of your own to hover over and boss around," Ruthie snapped.

Martin appeared in the archway with Aaron in his arms. He gave Ruthie a small wave.

"Over here," Lucy called to him. "I know Mom left some cake in the fridge. Aaron likes chocolate, right?"

"Aaron'll eat anything," Martin said.

Ruthie made a face and mouthed Martin's words, turning her head slightly from T-Bone. "I hate how chummy the two of them are these days," she muttered to her boyfriend. "It's weird. They were never like this when he lived in our house. He never had anything but negative things to say about my sister. Now they're best of friends. Ever since this annoying Sandy business."

"Maybe he appreciates the support," T-Bone offered. "She is a pastor, after all. Isn't that what pastors are here for?"

Ruthie shrugged, a frown still plastered on her face.

"Why do you even care anyway?"

"I don't," she said. And turned back to him, pulling his face down to hers.


	4. Chapter 4

Martin didn't understand what Ruthie saw in that T-Bone kid. He was this gangly, awkward loser with chipmunk cheeks and a condescending attitude.

"Ruthie and T-Rex seem to be getting serious, huh?" he said to Lucy, coming up behind her as she opened the refrigerator.

"Come on, Martin, you know his name."

As a matter of fact, he did. The kid had a stupid name on top of everything else.

She took the slice of cake out of the fridge and plopped the plate down on the kitchen island. "What's this look on your face all about?" she asked moving closer to him.

"What look?"

"This look that says you're bothered by something."

"I'm not bothered by anything, Luce." He threw a glance toward the doorway to make sure no one was spying and then tugged on her hand, pulling her toward him. They kissed briefly, awkwardly, with Aaron still between them.

"You know what I'm thinking about?" Lucy asked, a coy smile on her face.

He shrugged.

The smile faded fast. "You're not feeling guilty about this, are you?"

He shrugged again.

"Sweetie." She touched his face and he pulled away.

"Aaron and I should be going," he said. Then forced a smile. "Thanks for the cake."

She got some seran wrap out of the cupboard and wrapped up the dessert for him. "Don't mention it." Her tone had a sharp edge to it.

"I'll see you in a few days," he said softly, leaning in to kiss her near her ear.

He could feel her eyes on him as he left through the back door. He felt bad just fleeing like this. He knew why Lucy kept phoning him and texting him all the time and why she clung to him long after their lovemaking was over, not wanting to let go. She never mentioned the dark thoughts clouding her mind, but he knew she was lonely. She'd confessed to him in bed one night that Kevin couldn't stand to be around her anymore. And he'd realized it must have been because of the babies. The twins. She probably couldn't stand to be alone because that was when she was most likely to think about them.

But Lucy never talked about them with him. She talked about other stuff. Random stuff that was probably still tied in with the one thing she wanted most to talk about but couldn't bring herself to do so.

The weirdest moment had been when she'd asked him what he'd always thought of her when he'd been living in their house as a teenager.

"Did you look up to me?" she asked. "Like an older sister? Or even like a mother figure? I was just thinking about how I'm about the same age as your aunt and you lived with her for how many years?"

"I don't want to talk about this," he'd said, the breath catching in his throat. "Not right now."

She'd remained silent after that. But he knew she was still thinking these thoughts. And it had killed the mood quicker than if someone had just poured a bucket of cold water on his crotch.

He felt bad because, in reality, he was just using her. He couldn't have the one girl he wanted more than anything, so he settled for the one who shared similar DNA.

Ruthie wouldn't even look at him these days. Ever since Aaron had been born, he and his old friend had drifted apart. He didn't want to admit it but he knew that he'd blown it. He still hated himself for what he'd allowed to happen with Sandy. What he was now allowing to happen with Lucy. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him.

As he walked across the Camdens' backyard, he dug through the contacts in his phone, looking for Ruthie's number. He wondered if he should text her, ask her to meet up with him somewhere. He really wanted to talk to her. Like the old days. He missed their talks about everything and nothing at the same time.


	5. Chapter 5

Ruthie agreed to meet him at Pete's later that night.

They sat across from each other, a half-eaten pepperoni pizza between the two of them and caught up on everything that had happened since the previous year. As the noise of laughter and pool balls clicking against each other filled the room, she told him about her trip out of the country and about what it was like to be free from her parents' rules for that short period of time. He told her about Sandy and the baby. The minute Sandy came up, the air between them became thick with tension. Neither of them spoke for the longest time.

"I think about you all the time," he finally told her, breaking the silence. He hadn't meant to confess that. He'd wanted to be cool. Detached. It was so hard to admit to these feelings he'd had for her ever since shortly after they'd first met. He'd denied them for so long, but they'd only grown stronger. And now the words were out there, and he couldn't reel them back in. He had to say the rest. "I wish I had never been with Sandy," he went on. "All she and I do is fight. I can't talk to her the way I talk to you."

"Please Martin," Ruthie said. "Why now? You know I'm with T-Bone."

"But you don't really love him, do you?" he asked. His hand reached across the table and he brushed his thumb over the backs of her fingers. _Please say no._

"Yes," she said forcefully. "Yes, I do." And then, in a weaker voice, "I think I do." Her face turned red and she looked away.

He drove her back to her house and stopped in front of the curb. He reached out to touch her cheek, his fingers moving to brush her dark curls out of her face.

_Adorable,_ he thought.

"Night, Ruthie," he said. He leaned forward to press his lips against hers.

The kiss lasted for a long time. His mouth moved over hers as his arms drew her toward him. Their tongues touched and she gasped, pulling him even closer.

When they broke apart, he turned away, embarrassed. And more than a little ashamed as Lucy's face popped into his mind. "Good night, Ruthie," he repeated.

"Night," she said, touching her lips with the tips of her fingers. She turned to open the door.


End file.
